my name is casey call me casey oh my god stop asking why just is it really that hard its even less syllables I made it less work for you to say my name it doesn’t have to mean anything that I want to be called casey just do it holy fucking shit




"I will mean everything" - a spoken word poem to a future lover


"I Will Mean Everything."

I remember a long ago lover once whispered in my ears, “no one will ever lover you like I do.”

I remember thinking about how romantic that was

until it turned into “no one will ever understand you like I do”

and finally into “people may not love you because you are transgender.”

Somewhat true - my body has always been a threat hung above me as I navigated a world of restricted breathing under ace bandages hiding the results of my first liberty, slipping through the cracks of the binary in a society that, in the most unromantic and uncomfortable of ways, will never understand me as a double x chromosome man.

and so here was my lover, teaching me that even through the eyes of ‘i love you and you are perfect,’ my body would remain a threat to me, to my boxed in society, and would ultimately impair my ability to be loved by another.

six years and many lovers later I awake completely alone

my arms wrapped around air in a space where I used to count freckles and stars

I used to slide shadows down the collarbone of a potential wife with these callused fingertips until I chose to be alone after years of relationships, years of long distance, love, and building homes.

I chose to be alone to learn to love myself because I was not able to love the most extraordinary person I had ever held.

and even as this potential soulmate and I parted, I never, ever, ever told her that no one would love her like I did, because someone someday will, and I will be happy regardless if I’m in the second row at her wedding.

Now it has been months since I have held anyone and I am learning how to move my body through a world of physical representations without a copilot.

currently, i am doing just fine but i am awkward and have small hands and little feet and a strange way of walking and an odd way of talking and i can’t sing well but i do anyway and i can’t dance well but I’m dancing at 6 am bus stations downtown because why not?

now i sleep naked and by naked i currently mean stripped down to my boxer shorts

and by naked i mean that may not be your definition but everything’s subjective

and by naked i mean here are things i have not told

and by naked i mean i have slept in beds with attractive human beings and curled myself into a ball of mumbles and ignorance only to stretch my hear just enough to give them a soft kiss on the lips and ‘oops sorry i’m asleep now and that could have been fun’ as if this is middle school and we aren’t qualified explorers of uncharted bodies of water yet.

i’m not afraid of questions by any means, but i have no answers

and darling i am just too tired to explain my body to you

anyway, i am sleeping without being held-

and by sleep i mean i haven’t slept in days

and by sleep i mean maybe my body simply knows that there is so much beauty in this world to see than to keep these eyes closed

and by sleep i mean i am so lucky to sometimes catch a handful of hours where i dream of ferris wheels, and lights, and oceans because i have ebbed and flowed with these tides since my grandparents carried me on ships before i even had these eyes.

and so i woke up today and saw all i have ever seen

opposing fractals, kaleidoscope mountain boy in front of me

smile wrinkled at 23, a recycled man in a repurposed body

I’ve kept these veins around in case i need to tie this vessel up on shore

I’ve kept this skin for when i’m reading through comments on my transition ranging from me being an unlovable dehumanized creation to being the next object of obtainment.

it is so strange that when others see me naked now, i am only asked about what i looked like before, as if i had an outer layer scrubbed off and what is missing is more interesting.

it is as if folks think i went into the doctor one day for one life changing physically altering surgery and came out a brand new painting, a radical transformation from “female to male, child to mane” - but in truth I have been changing slowly since fourteen, just like everyone else I’ve seen,

I feel that I have spent most of my life proving my body and identity to someone other than myself and everyone that has seen my evidence has either questioned my crimes or joined the jury - i want to be honest in that i have relied on a lovers embrace to feel good in this skin only to have strangers shatter that open with curiosity again - and so i am calling this cycle to an end.

so, my friends. that is where i’m from and now this is where i am -

i wake up today and see my body as a complete ocean

i feel whole and solid, and for a human being i “pass” pretty well as alive

i am learning to love my body in this lonely time of my life

as i realize that my body is not a choice, our bodies are not choices

these complex cells arranged themselves and so instead of taking inventory of your physicality, i want to hear your thoughts and dreams and stories

i am half proud and half ashamed of where my body has been but instead of placing blame on my own reflection

i am counting my choices and sorting through my regrets

blessed to find that i don’t have any yet

and finally, to my future lover that i have yet to meet

this is where i have been and this is where i am and this what i want to tell you when we lay down in fields, on mountains, in rivers, and under the stars.

i have been loving my body and yours since the day i realized how silly it is that we judge so much on something that one has little to no control over

now i love your choices i love where you have been i love where you are going

i love how you have forgiven, i love the way you have hurt and ached and how you have taken thousands of steps since you said you couldn’t’ even move

i love the way you’ve composed the sound of your name and the way you have changed the sound of mine

i love the way you change each and every day, your synapses react to your soul

i love your ribs and i thank them for keeping your little lungs and your big heart safe  cause i love the way you can beat up against me so softly and gently

i love your body because of what you can do within it

and what you have done with it

and for the simple fact that it brought you to right here and right now

i love that you will always be writing stories

i love stories, i love your story

so let me thank my past lovers and past bullies

for reducing my body into a pulp that i then pressed into handmade paper

where on i will one day write to you, my future lover

to tell you that i can’t wait for you to come home.

and when we finally embrace,

when we look right through each other

i will tell you that you are beautiful.

i will mean everything.

You are awesome and beautiful. And just wow. I don’t know you, but I love you. That was so touching and you are so strong to share that with us.

thank you so kindly for that. <3

15-Year-Old African Kid Tells Madonna To Go ‘Have Sex’ with Herself


Dakarai Molokomme, a 15-year-old starving child from a small village in Zimbabwe, has just told , one of the most famous pop stars in the world, to  and f*** , the local media are reporting exclusively.

“Yes, it’s true, I told Madonna to go f*** herself. Do you want to know why?” Dakarai asked. “It’s the same thing every time with these snobby rich Americans. Every once in a while they come to show us their support for the so-called eradication of poverty by adopting a child from a starving family, but they actually do more harm than good. Transracial international adoptions are part of the white savior industrial complex,” Dakarai explained.

In further discussions with journalists from the media, the  stated that “none of the children here actually want to be taken away from their family and friends so they can be displayed as some kind of trophy in the homes of self-righteous singers or actors who want to score some points with the media and Oprah.”

“If they really want to help us, they should get Big Pharma to ship us some anti-retroviral drugs for the AIDS epidemic, or build schools and hospitals. If they don’t want to do that, then they can all go f** themselves!” the child told reporters.

The 15-year-old also stated that he would say the same thing to any one of those American or European “faux humanitarian posers”, except for Bono, whom he said he would also kick in the groin.

“Bono’s efforts to save the African savage from itself prove that the colonial imperative is alive and well,” Dakarai said as he walked with other village children collecting sticks to build a tree fort.


(via alligatortoast666)